'What Should I Wear?'

I’ve always had a dark but healthy sense of humor. As a kid, I was very insecure, so I quickly learned to deflect by being funny. I would play dumb, tell jokes, and do all sorts of stupid things to make people laugh. I thought that if they were entertained by the things I was doing, they wouldn’t spend anytime actually looking at me.

Darkness and uncertainty have travelled with me as I’ve aged, but I’ve learned to embrace and appreciate it. As most, I’ve been exposed to a lot of different things over the years (some good, some bad) that have stuck with me.

I had a typical southern girl upbringing. Beauty and appearance were strong values, which was comical, because I was a little hopeless in that department for a while. I always wanted to be lovely and pretty and all things desirable, but I’ve learned that no matter what I look like, deep down I’ll always be that funny, little girl deflecting.

I love to laugh, and I never take myself too seriously. I am proud of the woman that I’ve become accomplishing a lot in a very short time. Painting has always been a hobby of mine, something I’ve done on the side. In my early twenties, I acquired a knack for crafting, swiftly making my way to canvas. Ever since, it has remained a therapeutic practice of mine, allowing me to express myself in ways that don’t have to make sense.

‘What Should I Wear?’ is the first painting I ever created with oil paint. Recently more than ever, my creative juices have been flowing at a steady stream, giving me tons of new artistic ideas. After all these years of practice, I decided it was time to put down the acrylics and challenge myself professionally.

As I stared at the blank canvas deciding what to do with it, I started seeing colors: mostly red, obviously, and skin tones. Shortly thereafter, I knew exactly what I was going to do. Excited as a kid on Christmas, I thrashed red paint all over the top half of the canvas. Her head exploded. 

This painting was a challenge for me, as it was my first time working with oil paints. I was charged and motivated but forced to slow down to allow dry time. Slowing the process ended up working in my favor. I contemplated and changed my mind on color and form several times.

Upon completion, I was just smitten with myself. A masterpiece, I considered it. To be quite honest, it just made me laugh. I thought it was hilarious. And I still do! In that funny, but true sort of way.

So often as a woman, I find myself losing my mind over petty details and happenings. I’ve known many who can also relate.  We unknowingly create seemingly devastating high-pressure systems in our heads.

‘What Should I Wear?’ is an interpretation of simple thoughts so heavy they have the potential to ruin us.